Do you ever have an idea for a painting, poem, or piece but when you do it, it looks different than what you imagined in your head?

As creatives, we often have ideas we want to carry out and make a reality. How we envision things, however, often manifest themselves differently upon execution. That is often the case with most creative projects for many. We can become so intoxicated with a mental blueprint, a dream, an idea, or concept and we collect all the little thought trinkets and design tricks fueled by our intentions that within the container our minds, the stage for this very specific vision, has the possibility of becoming rigid.

In my personal experience, I’ve often had to let go of the rigidity of an idea because very much like what I imagine being pregnant is like, as soon as the baby is born, it may not be what one expects. The manifestation of babies and art become so much more than one can ever fathom.

So, every single time I write a piece, I don’t expect it to ever manifest itself the way that I had imagined it to. Over time, I have allowed myself to live less and less in the mental world of fantasy and more in the realness of live creating. Though I admit I naturally operate in the mind space, creativity has become more somatic over the years. I used to not feel safe in being playful with improvisation and live creating because I often escaped into the mental space when I was growing up due to the environment I grew up in. I frequently experienced a lack of safety to fully express creativity and playfulness as a child. Asian daughters of refugee-era immigrant parents don’t usually get a say in many things, and that time of my life has greatly informed whom I’ve become today. As I’ve grown and gently self-parented myself enough to know when and where it feels safe to express my ideas and give myself permission to fail and make mistakes, that has changed. I no longer need to escape into myself to be who I am. And for that, I am grateful for all of the work that I’ve done in the name of self-love and healing. Having a trustworthy therapist also profoundly helps. 

With every piece I've composed, there is always a new fascinating lesson to learn, something to improve, an idea that could be developed more, a fresh facet of myself discovered and celebrated, or a frustrating and important pattern to break, etc. And, yes, I could prolong the finishing of a piece, but it's the drawing of the double bar that gives me permission to accept that I'm imperfect, that I always will be and to practice love and presence with myself. On top of it all, if I am fortunate enough to live another day with the opportunity and ability to create art, it'll be a brand new journey, a non-identical set of obstacles, a container for heart-centered creating and love similar to but unlike anything I've experienced. It is with great joy that l've been able to weave my story into my new piece, "Shadow Worker: Wind and Sea" for orchestra. You can find more info here. Imperfections and love and all.

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WHEN:  Friday, April 26, 2024 from 6:30-9:00pm

WHERE: CHANGE OF VENUE to 7th West, 1255 7th Street, Oakland,CA 94607

OLD LOCATION: The Crucible, 1260 7th St, Oakland, CA (this session is outdoors)

ADMISSION: Free and open to all ages.